Normalaus darbo neturėjimas veikia neigiamai. Darbo ieškojimas veikia neigiamai. Pamažu depresija sėlina link manęs ir ieškau būdu, kaip su ja kovoti. Supratau, kad reikia pasijausti reikalingai. Taigi užsiimti kažkokia naudinga, nesavanaudiška veikla.
Being without a job pisses me off. Searching for a job pisses me off. I feel useless and depressed. So I'm searching for ways to feel better about myself. So I decided I need to do something selfless and useful for society.
Todėl nusprendžiau parašyti į Vilniaus "Caritas", kur nurodžiau, kad norėčiau savanoriauti, ir man būtų įdomios šios jų veiklos sritys: su esamais arba buvusiais kaliniais, arba su pabėgėliais. Mano laimei "Caritas" atsiliepė labai greitai ir pasiūlė prisijungti prie "Nuteistųjų konsultavimo centro" veiklos: ketvirtadieniais važinėti į Pravieniškių pataisos namus ir mokyti vieną romų tautybės asmenį skaityti ir rašyti.
For this reason I decided to write to Vilnius "Caritas". I expressed my wishes to volunteer. And that I am especially interested in these areas: working with prisoners or ex-prisoners, or with refugees. They answered really quickly and wrote me that they are currently searching for a person to help one inmate in Pravieniskes Correction House-Open Prison Colony to learn write and read as he is an illiterate. The person belongs to the Lithuanian Roma community.
Žinoma, kad sutinku. Apie kalėjimus aš nežinau nieko. Arčiausiai kalėjimo buvau per ekskursiją po Švč. Jėzaus Širdies bažnyčią, kur sovietmečiu buvo įkurdintas kalėjimas. Ir visos žinias apie gyvenimą kalėjime turiu iš tokių filmų kaip „Pranašas“, „Alkis“ ar „Žalioji mylia“.
Of course, I say yes. I knwo nothing about the prisons. The closest I have been to one was during the excursion to Vilnius St. Jesus Heart Chrurch. (During the Soviet times it was used as a prison.) And all my knowledge about the life in prison comes from such movies as "The Prophet", "Hunger" or "Green Mile".
Bet mane neramina tas faktas, kad turėsiu beraštį žmogų mokyti skaityti. Kaip tai daroma? (Jei jis romų kilmės, galbūt jis visai nešneka lietuviškai.Toks įspūdis susidaro šnekant su Centrinio Caritas vadove, tačiau jau susitikus su Nuteistųjų konsultavimo centro atstovais paaiškėja, kad asmuo puikiai šneka lietuviškai, tik nemoka skaityti ir rašyti.)
Pasiskaitau porą straipsnių internete, kaip žmonės mokomi skaityti ir rašyti, nusiperku sąsiuvinį, į kuri surašau lietuvių abėcėlę, ir taip apsiginklavusi nusprendžiu, kad pirmasis kartas - tai tik žvalgybinė misija, kad išsiaiškinčiau, koks yra mano būsimo mokinio žinių lygis.
I'm more worried if I am qualified to teach an illeterate person. How it is done? So I read some articles on internet and buy a notebook, write down an alphabet and decide that the first time is just a mission to see the level of knowledge of my future student.
Sutartą dieną susitinku su Caritas atstovais vienoj iš nuo centro didžiuliu atstumu nutolusioje stotelėje. Ten, kur visi namai tragiškai vienodi ir pasidaro dar šalčiau vien nuo jų pilko ir nuobodulį keliančio vaizdo. Įsėdu į mašiną, kur pradedam pažindintis su dviem itin maloniais socialiniais darbuotojais, kuriems aš pasakoju apie savo meilę kelionėms, o jie man pasakoja apie savo darbo patirtį. Jų darbas yra parengti greitai į laisvę išeinančius kalinius šiai patirčiai: jei jie neturi, kur gyventi, pabandyti surasti jiems vietą, supažindinti su esamomis galimybėmis gauti pašalpą ir ieškoti darbo.
On the certain day I meet with the workers of Caritas in a bus stop that is very far away from Vilnius centre. The mere look at the grey and the same-looking houses makes the waiting even more cold than it is. After few minutes in the bus stop, I climb in the car where I meet two very nice and lovely social workers. On our way to the Pravieniskes Correction House (it is located around 1 hour and 15 minues from the bus stop:)) I tell them about my passion for travelling, and they tell me about their work. They work with the soon-to-be free inmates or those who already are ex-prisoners in making their integration into society easier: explain them their rights and possibilities to get a welfare, to get a job, if they do not have where to live, they also try to find the solution.
Kelionės metu jie man papasakoja, kodėl ieškojo savanorio. Esmė ta, kad Pravieniškių kolonijoje yra galimybių baigti vidurinę, tačiau tik nuo 8 klasės ar panašiai. Pradinis išsilavinimas ten nėra teikiamas, tad jei nemoki skaityti ir rašyti, tuomet neturi jokių galimybių pasinaudoti tokiomis paslaugomis.
(nuo čia aš aptingstu rašyti dviem kalbomis, ir viską tesiu vien angliškai...)
During this trip they tell me why they were searching for a volunteer for my task. The thing is that there is a possibility to finish the school in the prison, but there is no primary education provided. So those who cannot read are automatically excluded.
We arrive at the Colony around 10 in the morning. First step - we go to the administration to get me a permission to enter. One day permission is issued. The expiration time: 14.00. Then we go to the 1 sector where it is not allowed to bring in such items as: wallets, telephones, and all the others that are more obvious like weapons, etc. I bring a notebook, some pencils and pens and a book, just in case I have to wait.
After that we cross one irin doors after we others. Entering to the place where I'm gonna teach, a classroom, is complicated. It's like a maze. I'm lost after a minute.
We are walking - two women - through one of the yards, and we hear either people saying hello, or men in sweatpants making the remarks that I am advised just to ignore. (Naturally, that's what I do.) We enter the building where we ask the guard to invite the Person (my future pupil) to come up upstairs to the class. Here, I find out that the guards are not the people I want to hang out with. When hearing the name (the Peron's name is very Lithuanian even though he is Roma), they start joking that this is not his name, as he is a gypsy. (Confirming that indeed he is a Roma, all the other remarks we are also supposed to ignore). Proceed.
In the class. My companion asks me if I am not afraid to stay with my pupil alone. I ask 'Should I be?'. When assured 'not', I answer that I'm not a bit afraid, which is true. After the few minutes my pupil arrives and my companion leaves to do her job.
My pupil is very nice, polite and willing to learn. And so we begin. It is really very hard, as it is from the very beginning. So we write letters, on by one, the capital and minuscules, and sometimes chat about his life. He is very young but already a father of four. He says he realized the mistakes that brought him to prison and now wants to correct them.
Suddenly, it is already 12, and my companion comes to take me to dinner. We only studied about half of the alphabet, so we agree to meet in an hour for one hour more. (Maybe you remember, I have to leave at 14.00).
While going to eat in the administration building, I find out that my pupil missed his lunch, because for them, in that part of the prison, it is around 11.15 or so. I feel guilty, but nobody warned me and he did not say a peep.
The social workers are quite happily surprised that I am so cheerful and did not loose my enthusiasm. I tell them that I like my pupil and I know now how to prepare for the next time. And as a matter of fact, I did not noticed that I was in a prison, because I was so into the lesson.
Lunch. Well, that was a challenge. The choice is meat, meat, meat, so I eat meat. But I feel guilty, as my new year's resolution is to almost banish meat from my diet. I emphasize "almost", so it is not a big deal, but I realise how Lithuanian kitchen is not flexible, and how we base everything on meat. Oh, well... I love meat, I just do not want to eat it.
After returning to my sector I am a bit more aware of my surroundings. First of all, I have this free person's habit to try to open all the doors and expect them to be open. And I need few minutes to realize "oh, I am in prison", somebody has to open them for me. Somebody from behind a window with the bars.
My pupil is waiting. He says not to worry about the lunch. He had some food. (Gosh, I feel so guilty). At the same moment my companion arranges some meetings, but she has a problem with the place as the class is occupied by us. The thing is that in prison there are not only real walls, but also the symbolic ones. There are other places officially available for the meeting, but the weak prisoners cannot go there. They are banished. Well, here you go, you can "see" castas on the first visit to the prison.
We finish the alphabet, but I realise that my pupild oes not remember the letters, so for next time I need to bring an alphabet with pictures. So my homework for him is to practice writing, remember 5 first letters of the alphabet (I force him to repeat them over and over again), and learn how to write his name without looking.
After that I let him go and I wait for my companion. This is the first time I look through the window as I hear some noise. I see the yard is devided in many parts by iron walls with the barbed wire on the top (the class is on the second floor, so I can see a lot). I can see a lot of men queuing in some kind of corridor created by two of these iron walls. One of the men suddenly looks up and I can see anger in his face. On that moment I am very much aware of my surroundings. I am in prison.
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